atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I checked into jail on foursquare
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
