I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
