i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
