i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
