Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I skipped work to stalk him.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
