Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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