I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
