She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
