Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
