I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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