Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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