No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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