yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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