you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just found puke in my bra..
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Randomize
