where am i from again
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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