I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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