We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
