I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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