i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
