battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
