LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
