She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
