it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
