yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
