so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Randomize
