We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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