Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
