My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Drunk is not a location!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
