Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
