whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
