I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
