Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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