Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
