Well apparently he's into motor boating.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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