you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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