Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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