Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
