stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
