I understand Curling. That high.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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