She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
