'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
