Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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