if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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