omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
