I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm passing your future prison.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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