I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
pray to the hookup gods
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
