The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
