Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
