other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
