Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
