no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
