Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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