I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
