I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
