How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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