One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
