yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
