are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
