I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
