and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
