you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
