I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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