Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
