Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
